Labyrinth of desires....

One's desires in this world are endless, and so seems the world ,"endless". As a desire is fulfilled, another is ready to occupy the vacant state. This is a constant part of life, of consciousness and knowing this, one must choose to be happy in the face of one's desires.

this desire/fulfilment/desire is the constant pulsation of universe, that corresponds with the drawing in and pushing out of the breath.............

is it not???

.....b.....r.....e....a...t....h........e......................................................................

Virtual Realities !!

We live in a make believe world and work tirelessly to devise new means to facilitate willing suspension of disbelief.

The statement above reeks of complete disdain for everything imaginary. It has a sense of longing for the tangible, a want for the absolute.It hides a fear of getting lost in the mysterious world of unknown images because it is not sure of its own connections with reality, its relationship with its surroundings. I either am or I am not. I either have it or I don’t. I will NOT make myself believe otherwise.

I read an engrossing work of fiction and start imagining myself as the protagonist – one who is wronged and one who now seeks revenge. I give way to my repressed desires of fighting everything evil in my life by juxtaposing the story of the novel in my hand with the screenplay of the drama that is unfolding in my life even as I read along. While busy achieving existential salvation through literary discourse, I tend to conveniently forget that somewhere someone is busy plotting a similar storyline that revolves around that person and me – just that this time, roles have
been reversed, and perspectives have been altered; Voodoo magic?
Occult science? Maybe! Maybe not!!

Make Believe is street magic. Your rational mind eggs you with your every breath to refute the claim that it is for real, for you know that down below, at some incomprehensible level, this is all but a fancy trick performed with the immaculate
perfection of a seasoned professional, live, and in front of a clueless audience. And yet, every physical law that governs this universe, every law that you have ever come to comprehend over time and with experience, urges you to believe, with
axiomatic justification, that what has been demonstrated before you in that indescribable moment in time is nothing but the
truth – absolute and whole!!

Perhaps, what my mind, body and soul seeks in unison and with single-minded obsession is that point in space-time continuum where magic and reality blend seamlessly into an inseparable whole and begin to co-exist; where the all-comprehending rational
faculty of the incomprehensible human mind breaks down and pure reason gives way to unconditional faith and unquestionable belief.It is the confluence of the believable and the unbelievable where believers voluntarily turn into non-believers, and vice versa, with an effortless swish of the invisible magical wand. It is that focal point of the universe where boundaries of reality are fudged,logic becomes fuzzy and you fail to distinguish The Real from The Imaginary.

That, to me, is Make Believe. And that, I believe, is where the world is headed, increasingly!!

signing off
neha !!!!!

Rajasthan n riots !!!

Go here go there u find urself engaged in the discussion about the infamous Gujjar Riots. Gujjar is a community in Rajasthan that is demanding ST status to increase the ambit of reservations available to their class. The government, obviously not okay with the demands, (as its basically vasundhara raje's vow proving out to be frankenstein's monster for her now )is resisting the pressure that the Gujjar’s are now trying to create by initiating a spate of unprecedented riots in the state. In the fray are big Rajasthan MPs and MLAs including hotshots like Nathu Singh Gujjar.It’s easy for our vote-athirst politicians to trigger off rows regarding reservations. Following in their footsteps, it’s even easier for a certain segment of people (who dont even know what is the basic idea behind reservations) to get together and create a havoc to attract media attention and to get their baseless demands fulfilled. Now I’m not here to bash the changing role of the media in today’s India, cause that topic will take the post in altogether different direction .My concern is all about the physical and mental traumas that we,the aam-junta, are made to go through during these times of crisis esp coz of the transportation breakdown !!!

Anyone with a speck of alertness is aware of the whole ordeal that Rajasthan is going through .People and government alike shud show better cooperation and at least ensure that normal life isn’t affected due to trivial tiffs and disagreements. Its not pretty, its not convenient, and it almost definitely violates the rules of staying together in a harmonious society.

Hail the politicians.
Hail the ‘intelligentsia’ who prompt such riots.
life cant be fairer i guess :x

A quick equation to decision making !!!!

A friend of mine and I had a discusssion on decision making . In her honest opinion, I stink at it. I would agree with her not based on the success rate of my decision making, but that I do tend to press on it for long. When going through the decision making process I usually award each option its due, thereby giving the appearance of a perennial activity. But today's discussion about a certain decision I need to make in my life, got me all excited and forced me to drop everything and ponder over this.
Decision theory appears to be a well researched area. I have not read a single article/book on decision theory. I like taking a stab at something of which I only have an intuitive feel.

What follows is my theory about the same. I think the first step of taking a decision is identifying what is desired and what is the worst consequence of not consciously measuring the decision towards realising the desired outcome. Once that is figured out, the cost of decision making can be justified.

I suppose the next step would be the enumeration of tuples of current options and their expected outcome in the context of the desirable. This would include the default null set of dropping the desire itself. The default null set will be a part of the enumeration of all options in every decision making exercise. Hence, a person always has an option. Outcomes are only probability expressions and should not be detailed at this stage, lest the human mind starts making unconscious assumptions about various parameters which are yet to be defined. Any tuple that is not in the context of the desirable has to be discarded right now. Expected outcomes are different from desirable outcomes; in other words, expected outcomes can be negative courses as well.

The next step is to identify parameters affecting the course of action and any decision that will be made. Once the parameters are listed, the next step is to categorise them into: Immediate and Unavoidable, Immediate but Avoidable, Historic and insurmountable, Historic but surmountable, Impending, Expected but Avoidable, Conditional (i.e. will come into force only along certain courses of action).

The next step is to create meta-categorisation of parameters, which, in essence, helps us understand which parameters affect each of the tuples that we have enumerated. This categorisation is at a meta-level as it is not a real categorisation of the parameters themselves in their native form but in the context of the identified tuples. One cannot and does not assume that all parameters and all tuples have been identified before this stage. This stage facilitates identifying any new parameters/tuples and in clearly understanding the relationship between them.

The next step is in attaching lucre and probability to the categories and courses of action. Lucre is the weight attached to each expected outcome, taking into consideration the cost of functioning on the associated parameters in the context of achieving the desirable. Probability is the value assigned to each tuple which takes into account the amount of certainty in adopting a particular option and the likelihood of the associated outcome being realised while the parameters are being provided in their required substance (quality and quantity). Not always will the probability be available and needs to be statistically obtained or guessed in order to define uncertain paths. Often, when the probability is not available, it might be wise to chart the course of action (described later) assuming the best and worst case probability and guesstimating a probable mean. Depending on the worst consequences of not making a conscious measurement towards the decision (as mentioned at the outset), uncertain paths can either be dropped or considered on the side while adopting a more certain path.

Now the decision-maker has the required variables in reducing the decision making equation to provide maximum benefit to the stakeholder (who could well be the decision-maker). Resolution of the equations provide the courses of actions available to the stakeholder and a plan/strategy can be drawn based on them.(Hehe playing with what i learned in my course operation research .) A second iteration, on the courses of action can be run based on the strategic input in enhancing the nature of the tuples defined as well as the substance of the parameters involved. The two iterations will be separated by a phase of discussion and consulting with the stakeholder and associated ppl.

I will not get into how the equations can be reduced and resolved right now.

What say? :-)

Silver Surfer ..................................

Wanted a break Saw the Silver Surfer 2 . It was awesome. I just enjoy watching the Welsh actor that plays the main character, Ioan Gruffudd. He plays the brilliant Reed Richards, and is engaged to Sue Storm in the beginning of this movie. The character development for him is again about the dual roles he has to play. He has both a sensitive side (and tries to make all the right moves when it comes to his sweetheart (Sue's a lucky gal)), who also has a Super-nerdy side as a brave scientist-superhero good-guy (Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic). He also shows some terrific awkward but cool dance moves, but he can dance! Is it me, or does his shy side make him even more handsome [cue Diana King's "Shy Guy" lyrics]? I enjoyed reminding myself of the swashbuckling, principled but mischievous character he played as Horatio Hornblower. I have trouble deciding what makes Gruffudd's characters so cool:
1.he's handsome slim, tall, and built (but shows humbleness)
2.he's got brains and he's not afraid to use it, particularly when it comes to saving the day
3.his chivalrous and witty attitude, funny even when the going gets tough
4.cool costumes and toys! Swashbuckling or superhero? everyone loves a guy with a cool ride,whether its a futuristic spaceship or a beautiful wooden boat
I think its the humor and good nature of his roles. he reminds me of my own Mr. Fantastic, so handsome, witty and kind!

So, this is quite a long post, and I've rambled too long about the leading man. 'N'eWay, I thought the movie was awesome mainly because of Mr. Fantastic, but I also liked the other characters and enjoyed watching it. The plot itself is pretty standard, but nicely acted out. The special effects were very nice, particularly the costumes (the way Johnny Storm flames up, Silver Surfer's shine, Ben Grimm's stony-physique, Sue's invisible woman). [Michael Chiklis did very well as Ben Grimm, and I enjoyed his humorous zingers, so different from his role as Vic Mackey in The Shield.] Maybe one reason I liked it sooooo much was because I expected one of those comic book hero films where the lead character is shaped by revenge and is lonely all the time. Instead, the movie was cute and romantic, even though I didn't expect that. It also reminded me some of the Incredibles. ...

In the movie Sue Storm's wonderings about a normal life are things BITS graduates think about too... I thought the movie gave me some nice perspective in that area because at BITS life is hectic and we work so much that I often wonder what a normal life would be like. but then the way it ended made me realize that I wouldn't trade what I have right now for the world, 3AM nights, hostel rooms, too much too do, too much to think about... wonderful!

End......

I do not think a single student would ever say, “Oh, man! The semester’s ending!”
It’s more like a mad dash till the end, and then one long sigh. Okay so we have about....20 days of cdc semester left woo hoo!.The begininng of this semester started out easy and then ended up crazy and hectic! I was up all weekened writing code,doing reports and taking vivas ,i barely slept, it was insane.Thankfully last night was my last late night! Annoying. I cant wait for this semester to end.
Too many assignments ,reports , and vivas please just end!!!!!!I think professors gang up together on us to bombard us with tons of work.
However these assignments fetched busy yet satisfying moments.When all assignments are completed, you'll feel the satisfaction and relief,

Just need to get through these last few days ..........

yet another day !!!

Google my homepage says today is Earth Day. That we created such an occasion is the mark of human declivity. What will we think of next? Breathe In Day? Smile Day?
It makes my insides curl into a fist which rams into my conscience. We are the only fools who burn our very homes in order to progress our lives. We continuously create divisive notions in an attempt to unite people.
Do we need a conscience when we will live but once? An Earth that exist but once in my life need not concern me.....
In the mad rush to become, to live better, to achieve, to acquire, we have cleverly disguised what we desire into what is essential for living. What is the soul of living? Can it be something objective without being selfish (Dear Ms. Rand, it wasunfair that you died without waiting to engage in a debate with me)?
I doubt whether we can change this world. I would love to see a world with no armies (only internal police for managing law and order), a forest maintained for every car produced, a dozen children fed and educated for every man dying for no fault of his, no man dying for no fault of his, waters regaining their purity (and they can do it well if we simply clean up our act and not touch them).
What can happen is realising the gravity of the entire situation (or simply brush it off if you feel that melting glaciers won't reach you in your life time, so why worry?). Can we change ourselves, just our individual beautiful self? Can we first realise the ugliness of what surrounds us? Can we see the ugliness that has taken root within us, in the form of our misunderstanding of the world,I and the relationship between the world and I? Can we realise that the world doesn't need us, but we do? Can we stop giving excuses like:
Why see only the ugly things? See the beauty of technology, science? ? Can we accept responsibility for making our lives beautiful in a way that no one else would find theirs ugly because of our actions? Can we decide to give up control over this world and let the naturalorder prevail? Can we realise that it is only in our hands to make this world beautiful ? Can we realise the need to live consciously, honestly, sincerely and 'simply'?

If we can do this, do we, then, need an Earth Day?

Chatter box ....

If I ever compliment (and I would regard it as one) someone as being a wonderful chatting partner, I am, more often than not, found facing a disgruntled face with a clear question snaking down the forehead and over nose, mouth and chin.....
Me being told since my lkg ,how much can u talk hehe....
I fail to understand why conversation and the ability to engage in one, has lost its virtue :P It has become something we would all like but dislike to be recognised for or made a stellar example of it without other accompanying preferable accolades.

Conversation is an art, and it does get tiring with everyone calling everything an art, but conversation really is. Having scores of friends spread over so many cities, one observation I can make is that people do not enjoy conversation as much as they believe they do.

Conversation allows a sprinkling of small-talk, but can never stand entirely on the struts of such banter. Conversation is intellectual, sympathetic, mutually fulfilling, light and nearly always leaves the person rejuvenated (versus the feeling at the end of a 1 hour lecture). Undoubtedly the two greatest elements of conversation are: memory and a patient ear.

Listening is vital to a conversation. Conversation is not to impress others (oh! please it isn't unless in an epigamic ritual). Today we were just generally discussing about mba and then came the notion of a group-discussion (GD, as one of the rounds of elimination was called) . I find it crude and repulsive to have a bunch of people discuss a matter with the sole basis of oneupmanship. Listening requires patience and a clear realisation (I don't like the word humility) that there is always more to know and learn. And the benefit of shutting up and listening is also the tinkle of several voices to make up a human orchestra. I am culprit to interrupting a speaker (and in some cultures that is rude) but that is usually offset by the next vital need of a conversation.

A sharp memory is essential for a rewarding conversation. Not only does it help in enriching the discussion with information, observations and informed inferences, it also help in maintaining a respectable cohesion. A ruffian conversation, straying in every possible direction, can be stimulating initially but tiring after a breakpoint. A good memory also helps (and this is why my friends often excuse my interrupting) in keeping track of where conversations diverted and the train of thought that led from each fork. To be able to trace a conversation up its meander is very useful.
"Why are we discussing Miss Universe contests, when we were talking about Goa?"

"Well, D went on to talk about fishes,prawns.....when S mentioned squid hunting off the Greek coast out of the blue. I mentioned reading about reading about squid hunting in some Greek book and you asked me whether it was in a Nikos Kazantzakis one. I said no, before G mentioned the Greek eating every kind of seafood. K wanted to know whether they are the largest manufacturers of packaged seafood, when I mentioned that it was mostly the South American, Scandinavian companies and probably South Africa. D jumped in and said that South Africa did nothing but host Miss Universe contests. Then we had to discuss the beauties and S being S had to question the sense behind these contests. Voila!"

It requires great attention and a deliberate operation of continuously linking things up in order to understand where and why conversations changed direction. It helps in reminding a person who tends to pause often and ask "What was I talking about?" or "Why did I mention acrylics?". So, my usual strategy would be to quickly mention something, pertinent to what someone was saying, and then loop back with a "ok! . No one missed anything! :-)

Recently a dear friend of mine and I had this discussion about whether it makes sense to visit art with a scholarly pince-nez or enjoy it in all it before employing the mind to delve deeper into the facets and constructs of the art form instance. Neither of us convinced the other, but the discussion raged for hours over the phone and then over email. That kind of stimulating conversation (although this was more of a dialogue) is essentially lacking in most congregations.
My mom would often ask, "What are you going to get by just talking and talking?" I suppose nothing, but isn't that exactly what I want? ;-)

Lost !!!!

I realize the best part of love is the thinnest slice
And it don't count for much
but I'm not letting go
I believe there's still much to believe in

So lift your eyes if you feel you can
Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan
I figured it out
What I needed was someone to show me

You know you can't fool me
I've been loving you too long
It started so easy
You want to carry on

Lost In Love and I don't know much
Was I thinking aloud
Fell out of touch
But I'm back on my feet
Eager to be what you wanted

So lift your eyes if you feel you can
Reach for a star and I'll show you a plan
I figured it out
What I needed was someone to show me

You know you can't fool me
I've been loving you too long
It started so easy
You want to carry on

You know you can't fool me
I've been loving you too long
It started so easy
You want to carry on

Now I'm lost, lost in love, lost in love, lost in love
Now I'm lost, lost in love, lost in love, lost in love

Lost in love, lost in love, lost in love
Lost in love, lost in love, lost in love

Donno why, but this song was playing and i wrote it all down, naah.. no copy paste from a lyrics site, but typed it all out, may be coz i needed something to do. Just feeling a bit down under today.. not that it has anything to do with anything, Just one of those days, when u suddenly start missing people, places, things... when suddenly all you want to do is get on the top of the highest mountain and stand alone staring at the dark blue . Ok well, lets make it the longest desert for me being in Rajasthan , but then again i would get lost.. and then the lost in love would be replaced by really lost in desert.. A faint attempt at humour, sick joke, shows how sad i am.. Or am I?? yeah, i am... so help me my soul, to rise above......
Happens often ... u r left with nothing but those few memories u had during the phase when u were virtually close with somethings/someone . ...
People come and people go out of our lives, that is what i have been told. That is what i have read, and to a certain extent have come to believe that. But just sometimes the knowledge takes the back seat I guess n u cant help it either ....

God puts you in so many phases of life and emotions, sometimes its a roller coaster ride and sometimes, just a plain simple ride through the country, soft and easy... and the balance between all this is what your inner peace depends on. I wish i was a bit more adaptive to the changes in my life, and learn to acknowledge them as and how they happen...

hmmm.. okies, enuff of soul searching for a while, me getting back to coding hehe bas aaj ka din hai free kal se fir me on code spree :P .... Oh dear!! am so very hungry i could eat the universe, but then ..... what would i do without one?? ok idea cancel.. me going to nescafe .. so cya laterzz.. in a happy mood....

Caution :Dont read :P

CAUTION :the conversation below can be highly boring from your perspective :D

1:12 PM Ankur: Hey M. Garg bizee ?
me: hehe hello Mr J :P
1:13 PM
Ankur: so doing what ?
me: Nothin... was jus feeling very weird ...
"u must do everything now ,tomorrow is too late, infact thought of
working constantly no longer seemz foreign or ridiculous" :O
i jus want april to vanish from my life ...

Ankur: huh !!!!!miss neha ,what happened to ur deadline logic

me: :( donno till date i really valued deadlines but now its imposed deadlines ...

Ankur: arey they are called the redlines remember :)
1:14 PM know wat the frantic pace of the redline world will instill in you a sense of panic and urgency

me: hmm may be its the impossibility of actualizing these plans which's agonizing

1:15 PM Ankur:M Garg i know your mind will continue to pour over every detail
as it seeks to anticipate every possible outcome and construct the perfect solution so tats agonizing ..

me: yeah but then it’s easy to convince yourself that the dream is there for the taking

Ankur:But understand that there are many factors you cannot control.....
:)
1:16 PM me: timing being one .

Ankur: hmm and luck being the second :)

1:17 PM me:and i know u r typin "
don’t miss the life you have in the search for the one you think
you want "
Ankur: :)
1:18 PM life is what happens while you are busy making other plans isn't it
me: but then never keep to the present..v… anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming
and were trying to hurry it up
:P
Ankur: i remember these famous lines
1:19 PM kis kisko quote karti rehti ho

me: hehe guess
:)
Ankur: koi hint dedo
1:20 PM me: kshitij ka 3rd year crush :D was talking to him abhi about crushes :P
Ankur : ohh so madam reasearching on pascal ;)
1:21 PM me: haan gen tp ,was bored ...so read about him
Ankur: hehe wasted ur time ,tell u what.. read about him
me: him kaun him
1:22 PM Ankur: Ankur :P :D
me: lolz haan haan y not ,infact have heard a lot about him
Ankur:acha through with ur symbol table stuff ?
1:23 PM me: hmm kinda ,lets leave acads apart naa...
Ankur: hehe acha ..what do u think of programmers ?
me: umm programmer is highly malleable .. smtyms it’s an algorithm you need
to develop, maybe it’s a tricky architecture problem, maybe it’s data that needs
to be modeled...
1:24 PM u can re-implementu can optimize
u can run the compile-test-debug cycle ad infinitum make a change, see a result ..
life is not like this.
Ankur: hehe
me: every action you take is followed by a commit and the transaction cannot be rolled back...
Ankur: u can continue to make changes and optimizations as u move forward but the effects
of these will not be immediately apparent
1:25 PM me: hehe the instant feedback of development is sorely lacking in real life
Ankur: hmm
me: know wat this is the frst tym i thot as a programmer's perspective
1:26 PM
Ankur: probably when i was at ur stage i too thot it likewise :)
me:hmm but me not gr8 programmer like u :)
1:27 PM Ankur: arey me not a gr8 programmer ,it calls for so much perfection
me: haan haan tats heights of modesty
Ankur:acha woh sab wat u call "lite"
me: hehehehe
1:28 PM
Ankur: madam its gonna be 1:30 soon ,do sleep on time..
roz roz night outs are injurious to health ;
me: hehe haan i'll sleep early :)
Ankur : so last 2 minutes of yours :(
me: U know what
Ankur: noooooooooooo :P

me: aaj naaa
1:29 PM
Ankur: aaj aage toh bolo

bolo naaa
neh"A"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :P
thr ?
1:30 PM me: 1:30 ho gaye ab mein jaa rahi hun ,cant ignore ur advice naa :P
me: gn sd ;)
1:31 PM
Ankur: arre batake toh jaao

1:32 PM me: ankur my eyes are closing now ,they are too strained and i cant take this screen nemore :P
Ankur: huh
1:33 PM me: :P
Ankur: oye bata rahi ho ya nahi warna i'll haunt u in dreamzz
me: hehe A naam waale have restricted access ,unka scope not defined for my dreamz so u cant enter ....

n the convrsation came to end after a few more lines ..hehe this conversation i guess i wud never forget .....