deadlines....

It is funny how our lives have become a succession of deadlines and how we try to keep ourselves motivated by looking forward to specific dates we have marked as important in our personal diaries :).Fragments in time that we patiently anticipate and hope to fill our lives with joy, like young children wishing if some festive season was here . That is the meaning of life after all isn't it?
btw one important date i have a batch snap on 23rd feb :) event of the week in my diary :D

A memorable day ......

It started long back ,so many days crossed and nights passed and now it started expanding like virus"the hesitance "......I tried my best to skip it but i knew i will have to confront it and came the moment ,the intensifying moment.... Normally,every day we are all faced with small or big decisions that we have to take in our lives. But for some making a small step is perceived as being a giant leap that needs to be calculated over and over again. We are often unclear of what we want and leave the decisions to others or just try running away from it but this time there was no one to take the decision for me and it was to be ME n ME.....Usually I freeze when it comes to such situations . Me a true piscean highly indecisive :(.
14th feb 11 pm ,i go to my friends room and we about sailng in the same boat to the psenti semites asking should i take the first sem on or off ,and comes mydriad number of replies ,you should take it on only ,dont worry take on go ahead but then y u took off ? ...and comes various replies .....then some1 sayin sac life take on enjoy oasis ... another one -take off u'll crack it ... u wanna go for cat rite take on ...arre A7 take ne sem and the weirdest n unexpected reply freply "arre aage chalke tujhe khaana hi banaana hai toh naa kuch bhi kar le yaar "..take off take on ...take off ...take on ...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh saturation
15th feb ,3 am My head was swirling and i decided to sleep off once again postponing the decision to the 15th day
2 pm , kriti- "neha on lo naaa "
swati " kya decide kiya " n me blank
supriya "yaar itna tension na lo acha kisi aur se baat karke dekho "
We seem unable to trust our instincts and logic and ask everybody of what they think in order to do somethings .....
3pm : so i decide to call upon my snrs n he asks ok what is ur aim , wat do u expect n then listening to my viewpoints he comes up with the same answer any sem would do "
next i call one of my batchmates to know about the stats .....he told something and asked to call a few more people to have the full coverage of the scenario .....
so i called up mr x ,mr y,mrz n mr wat not ...some n people leaving myself in a more puzzled state .Yeah but everybody use to end up in same words " its has to b ur decision ultimately "....
3:30 pm , priya di comes n i say lets study plcc and we start studying ,1 slide goes 2 3 4 5 ....but still nothing goes in my head for it was already saturated with words on off n no place was left for anything to sink in.And we thought of deciding first on the ON OFF issue .....
this that loads of arguements ,loads of fonecalls ,loads of tension,loads of confusion ,loads of stress...and clock strikes 7 ..."yes i got it " not the solution but another excuse to run away .."priya di dinner karke aate hein ,thodi der padhte hein n we'll decide later" and universe also conspires against you at times so when we were back from dinner the current was not there n the room seemed more deepressing and grey ......and i call upon mom and dad ...they again repeat " take ur decision and we have full confidence on our darlin daughter "...now these were the things running through my head
first sem vs second sem

more companies vs less companies
more time to prepare for cat vs structured prep'n for cat
more competition vs less competition
gen ps vs dream ps
summers vs winters
less confidence vs more confidence
oasis vs no oasis
friends vs ??????
no tension on pS vs tension throughout
this tat n blah blah blah .........
10 pm finally decided taking first sem "OFF".....okies time for treat , took another step ahead in life ....and i n priya di still wonderin that the decision finally is correct or not ....
12 am still no current,i tried sleepin but still something running through my head
2:30 am i fill the form finally keepin first sem "OFF"
7 am i am wide awake , donno y n i call up priya di that i am not feeling well n i headed towards her room
once again we went for brain storming ...
9 am we meet one senior and she asks me to call saahil and talk to him once ...once again it was just another brick in the wall ...
9:20 am ankur calls up asking are u ok , me jus bursted out and there were tears in my eyes ...and then came a word of relief " hey be urself ,listen to what ur heart says n go ahead we are all with you ,chill and go have a dairy milk ,tumhari saari icchayein poori hongi baalike "
9:30 we meet the placement volunteer and go to psd checking the placement list
n still i wasnt able to console myself ....
9:50 am we are entering the choices and i call up my mom asking her once again that should i go ahead and she says just be confident and go ahead ,this is just a small decision , life would not not come to a standstill ,u will keep moving so move on and take the step u decided go 4 ...finally submitted as 1st sem "OFF"
10 am aco class -multicycle path was goin on n i was still not out of the vicious cycle of indecisiveness ... the class got over and once again i was engaged on fone calling one of my friends .....then came the tym for dbs class , in a serious dilemma about attending or not ,priya di comes and says pehle decide karo ,take class lite but still i donno my conscience said to attend the class n i stepped in still lost in the thoughts ,n to my shock i didnt even took out my notebook , didnt listen a single word , and as i step out , kamiya comes up sayin "neha is everythin alright itni tension mein kyun ho " n i said no i m fine pretending my best to show i am at ease ......11:55 am kriti comes n says "neha i know jo decision liya woh theek hai but still ....." and we headed for consys class n i was still drifting through about what to do ,and then comes priya di n says take my form as well n take the decision n message me
.....then at 1 as i n manisha promised to meet in front of ram bhawan so that we could take the final and the binding opinion of our seniors karan ,i rushed after the class n in we were arguing in front of ram , and we call up karan bhaiya n he says its up to u but still i personally feel u should take it on n njoi the oasis
n finally yes i did it once again changing the decision n i opt for "ON" no more off's and i swid towards ipc to edit nthen call dad to seek his consent and he says i know whatever u have decided will fetch u good n i submitted the final choice !!!!!

hehe that was the day , when i said NO to breakfast NO to lunch n finally dairy milk in the evening as it called for celebrations now :)
finally i realized taking risks and making mistakes is what living is all about. I think that this is how we learn about ourselves, how we develop coping mechanisms and grow.I should take less tensions... This is what life is about and this is called living. I guess i can never forget 16 th feb..it was amongst "THE DAY "of my life

If u were ........

If you were a flower, what kind would you be & why? hehe this was the question which i confronted today while having a nice discussion with my friend (was kinda free today after the test,so didnt had much of things running in my head :D)He actually started talking about flowers recently as they are popping up all over the place as Spring arrives :)n probably he would have got loads too as it's the valentine's day :D

Well flowers remind me of people. There are SO many varieties, shapes & colors. According to my friends, Roses are the most popular. Why? Well, because they are stunningly beautiful and have an intoxicating, sweet smell. Roses come in all kinds of colors, red, white, black, pink, yellow, peach- but they still have thorns. Though I certainly admire them, roses aren't my favorite flowers definitely. I associate them with sadness as they fade within 2-3 days after receiving them. They are delicate and don't last long before their petals wilt. My favorite flower is the Carnation. Now comes Why? well i kinda find them close to myself .They are cheerful, hearty little blooms that also come in a variety of colors. Far less costly than roses(well me not a miser just like being economical :D)their warm, spicy scent is subtle- not overpowering. They are simple,elegant and sweet and can cheer you up Carnations blend well with other buds and are enduring.(If i link it up with the analogy of my life its really great having so many friends n all different in their own kinds n recently got the title of simplicity again ,while studying we were actually bored and priya asks hey what is ur sunsign n baffled i answer pisces lekin apne kyun poocha n she says u r not at all complicated ,your taste is biased towards simplicity in every context :) unlike ur zodiac traits of being complex yeah but u r really indecisive n i was nodding with a smile ... ) .So i would have loved being a carnation i guess :D

Feel it !!!

Have you ever experienced such beautiful moment in your life when you just ran out of words .... ?
the moment when you left your home for the first time and you look back at your parents who are worried that their son/daughter are leaving them yet happy that their child took the first step towards independence.......

the moment when you are alone and you smile silently as you recall something/someone, it is then when you really mean it..(it happened and happens with every one of us, is not it?)

the moment when the girl/boy you like most.. smiled back at you!You didn't say anything.. you just smile back n turned around did a miny jig..(haha choo cute)


the moment when you get better marks than you expected... those "numb" moments of ecstasy n surprise "is that true?"...(with that cute confused face,wow)

the moment when you hear that class is cancelled today and you have a nice coffee in sky lawns and go about discussing what not with your friends :)....(it derives you such great pleasure)

the moment when someone who is very very close to you is going away from you, as they leave, your hands stretch out as to stop them, but then you pull it back coz you know they would be better off if let gone, you smile and wish no matter where they go they always be happy..

.....the moment when u r alone in ur room, listening to your favorite number, enjoying each word of it, singing along, dancing freely as if no one is watching, its the moment when u enjoy being with yourself in that silent...

....when you sit silently n the terrace gazing at the dark star studded sky and all of a sudden a cold wind touches you off giving you goosebumbs...(feel it!)



....the moment when you are lying down n your bed engrossed in a novel, as you go through it, while turning the page (for that slight moment) where you start visualizing each scene as if you are watching a movie, the characters rushing through your mind in flash back, and you sub consciously start forseeing the future course of the story, looking forward to read the next page with eagerness more then what was there before...(i just love it !!!)

...when someobody you have been thinking about calls you up or buzzes you on messenger ...(somebody there in your mind now, hehe!!)

....When your cell phone rings and you see the name of the one you love, for that fraction of second (after the ring, and before you pick up the phone) the silent smile that covers up your face is priceless


...When your friends says something to you, you look at them, (though actualy not looking at them) as you are completely lost in the thoughts , its then when you are moonstruck, and you smile silently (notwithstanding your friends may be crying hoarse to get your attention, lolz)..

...the moment when you accidentally hear somebody say something good about you..(ahhh haaa,lolz)

Ever had those moments when you thought you were tired enough that you reach for your bed after dinner.. but find yourself wide awake looking at the roof of your room silently...But you sure are 'thinking'... those moments of self-talk are the most important in our lives. Those moments when we listen to our hearts! Those promises... those decisions... those are the moments when we make our destinies!

Always maintain a silent smile...savor the moment..enjoy lifes little pleasure coz small things makes life beautiful in the most beautiful way...
You can go on remembering your "special" moments!I had always wondered why I never said anything to myself at those moments.. as if it was "understood"...
Love. Joy. Grief. Surprise. Anger. Hope. Expectations. Support. Non-cooperation... happiness, joy, pain.. all feelings just flowed ceaselessly in the 'years' that passed in those flash moments!


neha :)

winter nights :D

Nights, as i call it "the best time to reflect upon ", has kinda always fascinated me. The wintry nights in particular.... The dark star studded sky fallin on us, the moon inviting us to come over and dine amongst the stars. The soothing cold wind giving us goosebumbs, a chill down our spine The silence of the night is so relieving, so enthralling yet so enigmatic. The other day i went to my balcony (dont call me insane to walk out in balcony barefooted ,actually had a fone call and signals werent proper in the room )while talking i started gazing the sky, as if asking something, searching something over there. The wide spread of the same made me feel so timid as if the vast expanse of knowledge is yet to be revealed. The inherent mysticism in the sky made me feel it's playing games with us and smiling at us almost sneeringly on our ignorance.As I told u before ,I was barefoot, the cold dew made my feet wet and it was just wow(though i am havin a bad cold... fever ,running nose n continuos coughing :() .However , the refreshing air i inhaled made me feel like i am emptying myself to something. Every breath was so refreshing and had so much to say. I almost involutarily closed my eyes, surrendering myself to it, allowed the soothing air to sashay me at its will as if i am a mere puppet. It is mysterious, captivating and inviting. We get answers for the questions we would never be able to frame. The sky stays there like always, so does the moon and the stars, still everyday there is a new story to be told, to be unfolded. Just like when we look at a piece of a painting. We come out with our own interpretation of the inherent meaning behind it, same with the night. there is wisdom in there, beyond our comprehension. It is always a novel feeling..

ahhh...that reminds me of a quote..",If a lover is like a moon. friends are like stars, have you ever noticed that night can look beautiful without moon but never without stars."
However somebody rightly contradicted, almost rhetorically and ironically,"but then even all stars taken together cannot shine as bright as a single moon.!?!"

Some people smitten by superstition harbours negative notions associated with nights, but i would rather glaringly contradict it and say "God gave us night we called it darkness"...

Okk so the whole point of this rather prosy introduction is that, my new found romance with wintery nights has tickled the dormant poet (a poet from nowhere and without rhyme and reason) in me once again..