It started long back ,so many days crossed and nights passed and now it started expanding like virus"the hesitance "......I tried my best to skip it but i knew i will have to confront it and came the moment ,the intensifying moment.... Normally,every day we are all faced with small or big decisions that we have to take in our lives. But for some making a small step is perceived as being a giant leap that needs to be calculated over and over again. We are often unclear of what we want and leave the decisions to others or just try running away from it but this time there was no one to take the decision for me and it was to be ME n ME.....Usually I freeze when it comes to such situations . Me a true piscean highly indecisive :(.
14th feb 11 pm ,i go to my friends room and we about sailng in the same boat to the psenti semites asking should i take the first sem on or off ,and comes mydriad number of replies ,you should take it on only ,dont worry take on go ahead but then y u took off ? ...and comes various replies .....then some1 sayin sac life take on enjoy oasis ... another one -take off u'll crack it ... u wanna go for cat rite take on ...arre A7 take ne sem and the weirdest n unexpected reply freply "arre aage chalke tujhe khaana hi banaana hai toh naa kuch bhi kar le yaar "..take off take on ...take off ...take on ...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh saturation
15th feb ,3 am My head was swirling and i decided to sleep off once again postponing the decision to the 15th day
2 pm , kriti- "neha on lo naaa "
swati " kya decide kiya " n me blank
supriya "yaar itna tension na lo acha kisi aur se baat karke dekho "
We seem unable to trust our instincts and logic and ask everybody of what they think in order to do somethings .....
3pm : so i decide to call upon my snrs n he asks ok what is ur aim , wat do u expect n then listening to my viewpoints he comes up with the same answer any sem would do "
next i call one of my batchmates to know about the stats .....he told something and asked to call a few more people to have the full coverage of the scenario .....
so i called up mr x ,mr y,mrz n mr wat not ...some n people leaving myself in a more puzzled state .Yeah but everybody use to end up in same words " its has to b ur decision ultimately "....
3:30 pm , priya di comes n i say lets study plcc and we start studying ,1 slide goes 2 3 4 5 ....but still nothing goes in my head for it was already saturated with words on off n no place was left for anything to sink in.And we thought of deciding first on the ON OFF issue .....
this that loads of arguements ,loads of fonecalls ,loads of tension,loads of confusion ,loads of stress...and clock strikes 7 ..."yes i got it " not the solution but another excuse to run away .."priya di dinner karke aate hein ,thodi der padhte hein n we'll decide later" and universe also conspires against you at times so when we were back from dinner the current was not there n the room seemed more deepressing and grey ......and i call upon mom and dad ...they again repeat " take ur decision and we have full confidence on our darlin daughter "...now these were the things running through my head
first sem vs second sem
more companies vs less companies
more time to prepare for cat vs structured prep'n for cat
more competition vs less competition
gen ps vs dream ps
summers vs winters
less confidence vs more confidence
oasis vs no oasis
friends vs ??????
no tension on pS vs tension throughout
this tat n blah blah blah .........
10 pm finally decided taking first sem "OFF".....okies time for treat , took another step ahead in life ....and i n priya di still wonderin that the decision finally is correct or not ....
12 am still no current,i tried sleepin but still something running through my head
2:30 am i fill the form finally keepin first sem "OFF"
7 am i am wide awake , donno y n i call up priya di that i am not feeling well n i headed towards her room
once again we went for brain storming ...
9 am we meet one senior and she asks me to call saahil and talk to him once ...once again it was just another brick in the wall ...
9:20 am ankur calls up asking are u ok , me jus bursted out and there were tears in my eyes ...and then came a word of relief " hey be urself ,listen to what ur heart says n go ahead we are all with you ,chill and go have a dairy milk ,tumhari saari icchayein poori hongi baalike "
9:30 we meet the placement volunteer and go to psd checking the placement list
n still i wasnt able to console myself ....
9:50 am we are entering the choices and i call up my mom asking her once again that should i go ahead and she says just be confident and go ahead ,this is just a small decision , life would not not come to a standstill ,u will keep moving so move on and take the step u decided go 4 ...finally submitted as 1st sem "OFF"
10 am aco class -multicycle path was goin on n i was still not out of the vicious cycle of indecisiveness ... the class got over and once again i was engaged on fone calling one of my friends .....then came the tym for dbs class , in a serious dilemma about attending or not ,priya di comes and says pehle decide karo ,take class lite but still i donno my conscience said to attend the class n i stepped in still lost in the thoughts ,n to my shock i didnt even took out my notebook , didnt listen a single word , and as i step out , kamiya comes up sayin "neha is everythin alright itni tension mein kyun ho " n i said no i m fine pretending my best to show i am at ease ......11:55 am kriti comes n says "neha i know jo decision liya woh theek hai but still ....." and we headed for consys class n i was still drifting through about what to do ,and then comes priya di n says take my form as well n take the decision n message me
.....then at 1 as i n manisha promised to meet in front of ram bhawan so that we could take the final and the binding opinion of our seniors karan ,i rushed after the class n in we were arguing in front of ram , and we call up karan bhaiya n he says its up to u but still i personally feel u should take it on n njoi the oasis
n finally yes i did it once again changing the decision n i opt for "ON" no more off's and i swid towards ipc to edit nthen call dad to seek his consent and he says i know whatever u have decided will fetch u good n i submitted the final choice !!!!!
hehe that was the day , when i said NO to breakfast NO to lunch n finally dairy milk in the evening as it called for celebrations now :)
finally i realized taking risks and making mistakes is what living is all about. I think that this is how we learn about ourselves, how we develop coping mechanisms and grow.I should take less tensions... This is what life is about and this is called living. I guess i can never forget 16 th feb..it was amongst "THE DAY "of my life
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