A friend of mine recently asked me whether I had thought her boyfriend was a flirt, and a Casanova the first time I had met him ......now that all three of us are good friends and may be would be a bit biased about answering ....
It got me thinking about the nature of people.And here i present my analysis- I realised that there is a big difference between flirts and Casanovas. And even within those who flirt.Flirting is an art ,its about wit, charm, sarcasm... it is about ‘playing’ with words, with ideas and heightening the experience of the moment between two people. It is what can display true intelligence. Some of the most flirtatious people I’ve found here atleast, are either in extremely committed relationships, or are at a very comfortable distance from most people they meet.
Lots of guys also think of themselves as flirts because they keep ogling and don’t feel shy about telling girls that they are pretty, that they are beautiful. And how much they are in love with them. Flattery is not equivalent to flirting. Flattery is a very boring try if you ask me, and infact, should come across very indirectly.
Flattery on one hand it’s annoying because it is quite patronising. Like you’re trying to woo a child with nice words, with a toy or something. On the other hand, it is something that only a child would do: try to flatter someone to get something.
No, actually it isn’t. Children never, ever use manipulation and flattery to get what they want. They throw a tantrum, and say it directly. Who am I trying to fool?
It is patronising. Most STEREOTYPES project women as ‘babies’. So I wouldn’t be surprised if that is the reason why flattery is used to try to woo women. As if the idea of a compliment is to offer some bait or something, and that really puts me off.
Well again opinions vary ,i jus remembered my friend contradicting me .. she loves lukin at the life through the kaliedoscopic prism of bollywood possibilities and thus flattery is a big turn on when it comes to her and i still remember it was so much of fun presenting her with all dumb bollywood filmi isshtyle logics when she was searchin for one to steal some of the precious moments of his crush ...
the besht and typical of them being my watch has stopped wrkin ,gotto go the repair shop ,mind accompanying me n the watch starts workin perfectly at the shopkeepers doorstep ...magica lolz and she taking all these advices seriously that was one moment i rolled out laughing ...Again the point was that what i may have suggested may have not appealed her coz there lies a vast difference in our approach towards life ,may be i get appeased by something simple and elegant but she prefers something exotic and bright....All sweet romantic bollywood stuff ,the hopping around trees and more :D
There is a certain boredom and mediocrity ... yes, if I may use the word ..in this that turns me off in some way....
Where are all the French restoration immoral wit combats that came out through the drama of the eighteenth century, or the dialogues in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, or some of the most witty, flirtatious lyrics from the old Hindi film songs lost?
Indirectness, satire, wit and may be sarcasm ...these are the things that spell intelligence and charm, atleast for me. I think the tendency to give compliments and sweet-talk belongs to the far more simplistic, to some another generation. Which does not mean that I’m saying you shouldn’t tell the person directly that you genuinely admire them if you do for whatever qualities they possess or don’t possess, or complement someone for being pretty. But it shows when someone really means what he or she is saying from the heart.
“Two paths diverged in the woods, and I – I took the less travelled one,” may I say? This is something about indecision also. Till a certain time in my life, I’d envied people who were confident; for whom things came very easily. There are people who are sure of things and likewise confident because they’ve never known the options that exist -- blissful in their ignorance. There are others, who can never be confident, because they can never get over the complexity of choice. There are probably one in a million who reach the level of true confidence after having implemented the idea that completeness is in the incomplete; that decision is in indecision and perfection in imperfection: go by your personal instincts.
I have found that there is very little apparent connection between the beginning of this post and the end of this post but whatever ....
signing off
neha
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