deadlines....

It is funny how our lives have become a succession of deadlines and how we try to keep ourselves motivated by looking forward to specific dates we have marked as important in our personal diaries :).Fragments in time that we patiently anticipate and hope to fill our lives with joy, like young children wishing if some festive season was here . That is the meaning of life after all isn't it?
btw one important date i have a batch snap on 23rd feb :) event of the week in my diary :D

A memorable day ......

It started long back ,so many days crossed and nights passed and now it started expanding like virus"the hesitance "......I tried my best to skip it but i knew i will have to confront it and came the moment ,the intensifying moment.... Normally,every day we are all faced with small or big decisions that we have to take in our lives. But for some making a small step is perceived as being a giant leap that needs to be calculated over and over again. We are often unclear of what we want and leave the decisions to others or just try running away from it but this time there was no one to take the decision for me and it was to be ME n ME.....Usually I freeze when it comes to such situations . Me a true piscean highly indecisive :(.
14th feb 11 pm ,i go to my friends room and we about sailng in the same boat to the psenti semites asking should i take the first sem on or off ,and comes mydriad number of replies ,you should take it on only ,dont worry take on go ahead but then y u took off ? ...and comes various replies .....then some1 sayin sac life take on enjoy oasis ... another one -take off u'll crack it ... u wanna go for cat rite take on ...arre A7 take ne sem and the weirdest n unexpected reply freply "arre aage chalke tujhe khaana hi banaana hai toh naa kuch bhi kar le yaar "..take off take on ...take off ...take on ...eeeeeeeeeeeeeeh saturation
15th feb ,3 am My head was swirling and i decided to sleep off once again postponing the decision to the 15th day
2 pm , kriti- "neha on lo naaa "
swati " kya decide kiya " n me blank
supriya "yaar itna tension na lo acha kisi aur se baat karke dekho "
We seem unable to trust our instincts and logic and ask everybody of what they think in order to do somethings .....
3pm : so i decide to call upon my snrs n he asks ok what is ur aim , wat do u expect n then listening to my viewpoints he comes up with the same answer any sem would do "
next i call one of my batchmates to know about the stats .....he told something and asked to call a few more people to have the full coverage of the scenario .....
so i called up mr x ,mr y,mrz n mr wat not ...some n people leaving myself in a more puzzled state .Yeah but everybody use to end up in same words " its has to b ur decision ultimately "....
3:30 pm , priya di comes n i say lets study plcc and we start studying ,1 slide goes 2 3 4 5 ....but still nothing goes in my head for it was already saturated with words on off n no place was left for anything to sink in.And we thought of deciding first on the ON OFF issue .....
this that loads of arguements ,loads of fonecalls ,loads of tension,loads of confusion ,loads of stress...and clock strikes 7 ..."yes i got it " not the solution but another excuse to run away .."priya di dinner karke aate hein ,thodi der padhte hein n we'll decide later" and universe also conspires against you at times so when we were back from dinner the current was not there n the room seemed more deepressing and grey ......and i call upon mom and dad ...they again repeat " take ur decision and we have full confidence on our darlin daughter "...now these were the things running through my head
first sem vs second sem

more companies vs less companies
more time to prepare for cat vs structured prep'n for cat
more competition vs less competition
gen ps vs dream ps
summers vs winters
less confidence vs more confidence
oasis vs no oasis
friends vs ??????
no tension on pS vs tension throughout
this tat n blah blah blah .........
10 pm finally decided taking first sem "OFF".....okies time for treat , took another step ahead in life ....and i n priya di still wonderin that the decision finally is correct or not ....
12 am still no current,i tried sleepin but still something running through my head
2:30 am i fill the form finally keepin first sem "OFF"
7 am i am wide awake , donno y n i call up priya di that i am not feeling well n i headed towards her room
once again we went for brain storming ...
9 am we meet one senior and she asks me to call saahil and talk to him once ...once again it was just another brick in the wall ...
9:20 am ankur calls up asking are u ok , me jus bursted out and there were tears in my eyes ...and then came a word of relief " hey be urself ,listen to what ur heart says n go ahead we are all with you ,chill and go have a dairy milk ,tumhari saari icchayein poori hongi baalike "
9:30 we meet the placement volunteer and go to psd checking the placement list
n still i wasnt able to console myself ....
9:50 am we are entering the choices and i call up my mom asking her once again that should i go ahead and she says just be confident and go ahead ,this is just a small decision , life would not not come to a standstill ,u will keep moving so move on and take the step u decided go 4 ...finally submitted as 1st sem "OFF"
10 am aco class -multicycle path was goin on n i was still not out of the vicious cycle of indecisiveness ... the class got over and once again i was engaged on fone calling one of my friends .....then came the tym for dbs class , in a serious dilemma about attending or not ,priya di comes and says pehle decide karo ,take class lite but still i donno my conscience said to attend the class n i stepped in still lost in the thoughts ,n to my shock i didnt even took out my notebook , didnt listen a single word , and as i step out , kamiya comes up sayin "neha is everythin alright itni tension mein kyun ho " n i said no i m fine pretending my best to show i am at ease ......11:55 am kriti comes n says "neha i know jo decision liya woh theek hai but still ....." and we headed for consys class n i was still drifting through about what to do ,and then comes priya di n says take my form as well n take the decision n message me
.....then at 1 as i n manisha promised to meet in front of ram bhawan so that we could take the final and the binding opinion of our seniors karan ,i rushed after the class n in we were arguing in front of ram , and we call up karan bhaiya n he says its up to u but still i personally feel u should take it on n njoi the oasis
n finally yes i did it once again changing the decision n i opt for "ON" no more off's and i swid towards ipc to edit nthen call dad to seek his consent and he says i know whatever u have decided will fetch u good n i submitted the final choice !!!!!

hehe that was the day , when i said NO to breakfast NO to lunch n finally dairy milk in the evening as it called for celebrations now :)
finally i realized taking risks and making mistakes is what living is all about. I think that this is how we learn about ourselves, how we develop coping mechanisms and grow.I should take less tensions... This is what life is about and this is called living. I guess i can never forget 16 th feb..it was amongst "THE DAY "of my life

If u were ........

If you were a flower, what kind would you be & why? hehe this was the question which i confronted today while having a nice discussion with my friend (was kinda free today after the test,so didnt had much of things running in my head :D)He actually started talking about flowers recently as they are popping up all over the place as Spring arrives :)n probably he would have got loads too as it's the valentine's day :D

Well flowers remind me of people. There are SO many varieties, shapes & colors. According to my friends, Roses are the most popular. Why? Well, because they are stunningly beautiful and have an intoxicating, sweet smell. Roses come in all kinds of colors, red, white, black, pink, yellow, peach- but they still have thorns. Though I certainly admire them, roses aren't my favorite flowers definitely. I associate them with sadness as they fade within 2-3 days after receiving them. They are delicate and don't last long before their petals wilt. My favorite flower is the Carnation. Now comes Why? well i kinda find them close to myself .They are cheerful, hearty little blooms that also come in a variety of colors. Far less costly than roses(well me not a miser just like being economical :D)their warm, spicy scent is subtle- not overpowering. They are simple,elegant and sweet and can cheer you up Carnations blend well with other buds and are enduring.(If i link it up with the analogy of my life its really great having so many friends n all different in their own kinds n recently got the title of simplicity again ,while studying we were actually bored and priya asks hey what is ur sunsign n baffled i answer pisces lekin apne kyun poocha n she says u r not at all complicated ,your taste is biased towards simplicity in every context :) unlike ur zodiac traits of being complex yeah but u r really indecisive n i was nodding with a smile ... ) .So i would have loved being a carnation i guess :D

Feel it !!!

Have you ever experienced such beautiful moment in your life when you just ran out of words .... ?
the moment when you left your home for the first time and you look back at your parents who are worried that their son/daughter are leaving them yet happy that their child took the first step towards independence.......

the moment when you are alone and you smile silently as you recall something/someone, it is then when you really mean it..(it happened and happens with every one of us, is not it?)

the moment when the girl/boy you like most.. smiled back at you!You didn't say anything.. you just smile back n turned around did a miny jig..(haha choo cute)


the moment when you get better marks than you expected... those "numb" moments of ecstasy n surprise "is that true?"...(with that cute confused face,wow)

the moment when you hear that class is cancelled today and you have a nice coffee in sky lawns and go about discussing what not with your friends :)....(it derives you such great pleasure)

the moment when someone who is very very close to you is going away from you, as they leave, your hands stretch out as to stop them, but then you pull it back coz you know they would be better off if let gone, you smile and wish no matter where they go they always be happy..

.....the moment when u r alone in ur room, listening to your favorite number, enjoying each word of it, singing along, dancing freely as if no one is watching, its the moment when u enjoy being with yourself in that silent...

....when you sit silently n the terrace gazing at the dark star studded sky and all of a sudden a cold wind touches you off giving you goosebumbs...(feel it!)



....the moment when you are lying down n your bed engrossed in a novel, as you go through it, while turning the page (for that slight moment) where you start visualizing each scene as if you are watching a movie, the characters rushing through your mind in flash back, and you sub consciously start forseeing the future course of the story, looking forward to read the next page with eagerness more then what was there before...(i just love it !!!)

...when someobody you have been thinking about calls you up or buzzes you on messenger ...(somebody there in your mind now, hehe!!)

....When your cell phone rings and you see the name of the one you love, for that fraction of second (after the ring, and before you pick up the phone) the silent smile that covers up your face is priceless


...When your friends says something to you, you look at them, (though actualy not looking at them) as you are completely lost in the thoughts , its then when you are moonstruck, and you smile silently (notwithstanding your friends may be crying hoarse to get your attention, lolz)..

...the moment when you accidentally hear somebody say something good about you..(ahhh haaa,lolz)

Ever had those moments when you thought you were tired enough that you reach for your bed after dinner.. but find yourself wide awake looking at the roof of your room silently...But you sure are 'thinking'... those moments of self-talk are the most important in our lives. Those moments when we listen to our hearts! Those promises... those decisions... those are the moments when we make our destinies!

Always maintain a silent smile...savor the moment..enjoy lifes little pleasure coz small things makes life beautiful in the most beautiful way...
You can go on remembering your "special" moments!I had always wondered why I never said anything to myself at those moments.. as if it was "understood"...
Love. Joy. Grief. Surprise. Anger. Hope. Expectations. Support. Non-cooperation... happiness, joy, pain.. all feelings just flowed ceaselessly in the 'years' that passed in those flash moments!


neha :)

winter nights :D

Nights, as i call it "the best time to reflect upon ", has kinda always fascinated me. The wintry nights in particular.... The dark star studded sky fallin on us, the moon inviting us to come over and dine amongst the stars. The soothing cold wind giving us goosebumbs, a chill down our spine The silence of the night is so relieving, so enthralling yet so enigmatic. The other day i went to my balcony (dont call me insane to walk out in balcony barefooted ,actually had a fone call and signals werent proper in the room )while talking i started gazing the sky, as if asking something, searching something over there. The wide spread of the same made me feel so timid as if the vast expanse of knowledge is yet to be revealed. The inherent mysticism in the sky made me feel it's playing games with us and smiling at us almost sneeringly on our ignorance.As I told u before ,I was barefoot, the cold dew made my feet wet and it was just wow(though i am havin a bad cold... fever ,running nose n continuos coughing :() .However , the refreshing air i inhaled made me feel like i am emptying myself to something. Every breath was so refreshing and had so much to say. I almost involutarily closed my eyes, surrendering myself to it, allowed the soothing air to sashay me at its will as if i am a mere puppet. It is mysterious, captivating and inviting. We get answers for the questions we would never be able to frame. The sky stays there like always, so does the moon and the stars, still everyday there is a new story to be told, to be unfolded. Just like when we look at a piece of a painting. We come out with our own interpretation of the inherent meaning behind it, same with the night. there is wisdom in there, beyond our comprehension. It is always a novel feeling..

ahhh...that reminds me of a quote..",If a lover is like a moon. friends are like stars, have you ever noticed that night can look beautiful without moon but never without stars."
However somebody rightly contradicted, almost rhetorically and ironically,"but then even all stars taken together cannot shine as bright as a single moon.!?!"

Some people smitten by superstition harbours negative notions associated with nights, but i would rather glaringly contradict it and say "God gave us night we called it darkness"...

Okk so the whole point of this rather prosy introduction is that, my new found romance with wintery nights has tickled the dormant poet (a poet from nowhere and without rhyme and reason) in me once again..

Vistaaaa!!!!!!!!

Its the third Techfest at my college that i am goin to b a witness to. The one thing that i like about Techfest is that its held during perfect tym March , everythin is perfect then .....
You know i was thinking the other day about life and how it goes on in a seemingly monotonous fashion. We go from one event to another. We play a multitude of roles. We are sometimes the participants and sometimes the organisers(coordinator for an event ). Hopefully(or not), we will someday be the administration as well… That got me thinking.. Y do we lead an existence like this?? What are we getting out of life?? Do we extract from life what we want or do we extract from life what we can?? And on that profoundly philosophical note( atleast i hope it is)….
Now comes to the event i am a part of ,named “Garovista” to show our understanding of the need of the participants "vision” .Organizin an event is really great , me workin in collaboration wid 4 more ppl and all of them r really cool ,we share ideas ,discuss abt our point of views n yeah contradict each other too :D. Its fun overall .It gives a hands on management experience..More importantly, you should be working with loads of zeal and enthusiasm when 'people who matter' are in the near vicinity,me lucky to have one jnr and his sm1 a part of our event ,( ur wrk will b done :D) Does this sound like grapes are sour ? Sure does:( ,when no-one really matters to u . nehow.......
A never before rush in hosting an event and pulling it off splendidly with a very short prep time.It connects the participant’s ideas and opinions directly to an event and its functionality and we call it "garovista" a vision for showcasing ur ideas . Come and get a HANDS ON experience!!!
An individual or a team of 3 can showcase their dexterity in the field of image processing .it really called upon innovative ideas - organizing a unique fun-filled technical event.I am really njoyin being a part of this team ,thnx to our coord for lettin me deal wid this event .work is so much fun when it comes to ur interest n when u have rite ppl around wid rite spirits n attitude :) . The proposed event is expected to be a single session event with activities not extending beyond a day ( 4 hrs :D i guess tat makes the day for techfest ) with happening prelims so jus dont miss being a part of excitin prelims if u really feel for ip(img proc) :P
. Based upon the novelty of the idea, and extent of promise the proposed event holds, Top 10 -15 teams will be short listed and will go on to host their very own ip skills at the exclusive event "garovista "at Apogee‘08…hopin its loads n loads of fun
signing off
neha

Sometimes silence says more......

I know it's been a while since I last wrote a post. I think about it. But don't seem to have the inspiration to write. I believe this silence is from inner reflection.....
there was nothin much to share i guess ....Then I have a thought of 'I have to post SOMEthing! It's been so long! Think! Think of something! Anything... who cares if it comes from your heart, your passion!?'
so here it goes..... Well recently i saw the pic i ever dreamed of ......“On the shores of a beautiful lake, is a beautiful garden filled with lush green coconut or palm trees. In the middle of the garden sits a beautiful house. In the house, I sit all day and listen to evergreen songs. When bored, I would go fishing in that beautiful lake (a music system is a must for the boat”). This had been my dream place for sometime the time i was in goa i guess . Sounds boring? Hmm…I know.
But one of these days I decided I should stop dreaming and instead work towards the dream. . Me being me…have started thinking in terms of collecting my favorite songs I would like to listen during those daysAs I browsed through the songs I used to like, I noticed one nice thing about them. They brought me back those good/bad memories of past. I could recollect almost all the incidents that happened during that phase of my life. When I played those songs, I went through exact same emotions of my past.

In these thoughts … when I dwelled a little deeper, I even noticed that I have a song associated with every person whom I have known. When replayed…the song brings me back those moments I had shared them.You are able record parts of your life through a song and play it back! Infact irrespective what lyrics is written in the song, irrespective of what kind of song it is eg kya hua tera vaayda or kabhi kabhi reminds me of ma papa (thr fav no ), aadat reminds me of kanu , mera kuch saaman ...of sm1 , turn back time reminds me of priyanshu ,of recent shakeera's hips dont lie reminds me of goa :P…
your moments gets saved. Sounds amazing isn’t it?

a millionaire's first love story

a millionaire's first love story.... i guess i shed a million tears while watching this movie ... a total tear jerker ....A touching story infact a must-watch for fans of Hyun Bin and for those who has enjoyed Mandy's Moore "A Walk to Remember".

LIFO ,FIFOor sequential order !!!!

Isn't it funny how sometimes people expect friendships to follow a sequence?

I think if two people are meant to click as friends, they will. It does not matter how and when they got introduced to each other! It does not matter if they are now closer to each other, than to the common friend through whom they met! I've heard some of my friends complain, oh, I introduced her to so-and-so, and now she hangs out with so-and-so more than she hangs out with me. But time doesn't really have a lot to do with it, does it? Just because you knew the person longer, doesn't mean you can lay claim to being a closer friend?

As easy as it may be for all of us to say 'no' to the above, I guess we've all done it at some point of time. We've all been possessive about our friends at some point of time. But this isn't an accounting entry, or a computer memory, where I can dictate the strength of a friendship through some hard and fast rule or have it increase only in sequential order. The heart doesn't follow rules. The heart does what it pleases. And if your friend now has another 'closer' friend... let go.

Its strange how sometimes two people start on a wrong note, and then go on to become such close friends. Even as I type this, my mind is flooded with instances of people who are now dear to me, but who I disliked like hell on my first encounter. Once again re-iterates my belief, that if two people are supposed to click, they will.

Another strange thing about friendship is that a lot of it is only contextual. Not every good friendship is going to last forever... and we shouldn't try to stretch it. I used to chat for hours with a friend everyday for 2 years, when in school, and now I don't even know where she is. No and it is not because I haven't bothered to keep in touch. Its because some friendships only work well in a particular context. Some friendships are only meant to last a while. And rather than being sorry about it coming to an 'end', I guess we just have to cherish the good times.

The friendships that don't depend on a context... the people who I can relate to no matter how many years since I last spoke to them... the ones who I can talk to for hours regardless of how long I've known them for.... they are the ones who define 'great friends' for me.

Ijazzat.......

Last night i was listening to the tracks of "ijazzat" (i jus love the songs of this movie ).....nd all of a sudden i recieved a call from one of my old friends and he said with a note of surprize if i m not wrong its ijazzats tracks being played in background rite ..... and then started the discussion about the tracks ,the theme n all .......

Ijazzat..... a beautiful, complex and layered film .......

On a rainy night, Mahen unexpectedly runs into his ex-wife Sudha at a railway station waiting room. Two people unwillingly thrown in each other’s company, compelled to revisit a part of their life they have chosen to forget. The relationship has changed, the rules have changed. And the past becomes an intangible third person in the room, much like Maya was in their life. But where is Maya now?

Using his trademark of weaving the past with the present, Gulzar takes us back and forth between the waiting room and their home in the past. (a home, that Mahen remarks, was much like a waiting room.) And the complexities start to unravel. Maya’s free-spiritedness, Sudha’s conflict between being supportive and being possessive, Mahen’s inability to get past his memories but still wanting to keep Sudha happy — the characters become relatable and their dilemmas become real. And as with most of life’s dilemmas, there are no simple answers, no easy solutions.

In a way, Ijaazat is a simple story about three people, two relationships and one night. But it derives its depth from its complex characterizations. Its strength lies in its screenplay and dialogues by Gulzar and its moody cinematography by Ashok Mehta. And in the strong performances of its three leads — Rekha, Naseeruddin Shah and Anuradha Patel.

And of course, in its music. Ijaazat is inarguably one of the finest of Pancham’s oeuvre. Four gorgeous solos, exquisitely crafted by RDB and lovingly sung by Asha with layered poetry by Gulzar that once again show the symbiotic relationship that the three shared. One realizes at such moments, that the whole sometimes is truly greater than the sum of its parts.

Chhotisii kahaanii se, baarishon ke paanii se, saarii vaadii bhar gayii .. sings Asha, as we follow a train’s journey through rain-drenched valleys and mist-covered mountains, while the titles roll. The music is so delightfully visual that one doesn’t need the lyrics to see the scene. The steady rhythm of the train, the sound of the rain slowing down to a drizzle, only to burst into a gleeful downpour once again, a waterfall that cascades grandly or a little brook that plays peek-a-boo .. the images are created by the music, but the on-screen visuals and the lyrics enhance the experience. Gulzar personifies the rain, making it dance lightly, using the clouds as stepping stones —

ruktii hai thhamtii hai, kabhii barastii hai
baadal pe paaon rakh ke, baarish machaltii hai ..

Pancham always claimed to not having an ear for poetry. Seeing the kind of magic he has created with Gulzar’s pen, one wonders if he was just being self-deprecatory. When Sudha sends back some of Maya’s belongings, Maya wants her memories back as well. A song whose lyrics Pancham jokingly described as akin to reading a newspaper. Asha’s voice languidly caresses every word, as she plaintively at times and retrospectively at other times, asks him to return the moments that they’ve shared. Meraa kuchh saamaan tumhaare paas padaa hai ..

meraa kuchh saamaan tumhaare paas padaa hai
saawan ke kuchh bheege bheege din rakhhe hain
aur mere ik khat mein liptii raat padii hai
vo raat bujhaa do
meraa vo saamaan lautaa do ..

ek sau solah chaand kii raatein, ek tumhaare kaandhe kaa til ..

What does that even mean? asked a friend. One hundred sixteen moonlit nights, and one sesame of onion, I replied. Wise friend has promised to never ask us to interpret Gulzar lyrics again. But perhaps it is a count of nights spent together? Or maybe a four month relationship? (One hundred sixteen moonlit nights would be one hundred twenty days minus the four amaavasyas?) White on black and black on white? Contrasts to indicate the gamut of emotions felt? With Gulzar, so many interpretations are possible. But whatever the intended meaning, the imagery is subtly sensual and so very beautiful.

Mahen and Sudha go on their honeymoon, to make a fresh start. Which sets the scene for the next song. Katraa katraa miltii hai, katraa katraa jeene do .. Pancham uses the twin track recording effect beautifully in this number, overlapping Asha’s highs and lows. The locales of Kudremukh form a gorgeous backdrop as Asha’s silken voice hit the high notes of pyaasii hoon main pyaasii rehne do. Her thirst for more is not a complaint. She knows she cannot have Mahen completely, but in her very longing for him, she tries to find happiness.

tumne to aakaash bichaayaa
mere nange pairon mein zameen hai
paake bhii tumhaarii aarzuu ho
shaayad aise zindagii haseen hai
aarzuu mein behne do
pyaasii hoon main pyaasii rehne do ..


But Sudha’s longing remains unfulfilled. Mahen is unable to remove Maya from his life and Sudha is tired of being patient. In these moments of despair, comes the fourth and final song of the movie, a ghazal. Khaalii haath shaam aayii hai, khaalii haath jayegii, aaj bhi na aaya koii, khaalii laut jayegii .. The pain in Asha’s voice is palpable as Sudha sits waiting in the darkness, watching the light come in through the slightly ajar door, a constant reminder that Mahen is not back ..

aaj bhii na aaye aansuu, aaj bhii na bhiige nainaa
aaj bhii ye korii rainaa, korii laut jaayegii ..

Memories are heavy baggage and burying them is the healthy thing to do. But will denying the existence of memories make them go away? Or is it better to embrace them? As Sudha remarks to Mahen, looking at the rain that refuses to stop — baras jaayegii to apne aap thham jayegii. Perhaps memories too are like that. They flood you for a while, but with time, they cease. Then again, memories get their well-deserved burial only at the end of one’s life. As Maya requests Mahen at the end of her letter —

ek ijaazat de do bas, jab isko dafnaauungi
main bhii vahii so jauungii .. main bhii vahii so jauungii ..