Sex No Bar !!!

I think I seem to be maturing heck too slowly for my age!
Yes i'm 20+ and still in the stage where you have crushes once in a while (not the serious type ,that's one!!!). It's more or less like a teenager or whatever ....
And it is the most inappropriate type of crush - a guy elder to me (roughly by 10 yrs), working at a higher hierarchy level, and last and the most blasphemous - married! No, i don't have a thing for married elder man. Don't judge me dammit :P

well he's surely not the usual crush-at-first-sight types. but then I don't say I m not weird ,he's gone ahead with the kill-by-attitude and behavior style. it's just the way he talks. it's just the way his face lights up like a 500watt bulb when he smiles.
So now we go talking and sipping coffee ..me skipping a gazillion beats

So this guy says , so how is it working here , u in nfs -dev right (thats the name of my team) and then we talk and talk and suddenly the conversation lands to no girls in your team and a question pops up- how is it like with just all the guys around
Well couldn't have said voila and then i headed the conversation telling him everything right from the beginning , just recalled my starting few days at netapp!!!!

We had our new hire orientation program , a training stuff ... first day twas the time for lunch and i see all the new joinees going for lunch , tracing the groups and i see all girls heading together forming a group .I get scared of fully female company (unless I know all of them very well, and I like them, which would make them at least a little bit similar to the kind of girl I am).For me who has like spent most of her childhood hanging out with the guys my cousins and friends, climbing trees, spinning tops, flying kites, and balancing atop the narrow parapet walls, and most of her adult life (so far) with a group of guys pursuing engineering, this was scary. Now don’t get me wrong here. I am not anti-girl or anything. I am all for the ya-ya sisterhood.But,I at that time chose my course and went ahead with 2 guys from my college who were ehh to my surprise pretty good a company .(no flattering , coz i know both the guys would be reading this post ).

So k,another question which would have popped up was why do I run in the opposite direction when I see an all-girls' group? Well, here’s the thing. I believe (rather strongly at that) that girls bring out the worst in each other. For one, girls are complex just realized this when my cousin harped on the same fact a thousand times yesterday.Yes they are,let's just face it .They are. They cry. They say one thing when they mean just the opposite. They can't make up their minds. And then they play games with guys, and politics with each other.

On the other hand, guys are relatively simpler to understand. They have no hidden agenda.They don't judge you on every little thing. In fact, for most of the time, they are lost, clueless creatures who don't get why we cry, why we make those incredibly complex hard-to-decipher statements, why they can’t talk to us while surfing a sports website, why we try to find the 'hidden meaning' in their words (when there isn't any) and why we expect them to be able to read our feelings. Not to even mention how freaking difficult to understand we are. And if all this is not enough, we have those days with mood swings. That’s a lot of things they have to deal with!

So frankly speaking, when there are too many girls around me, I actually feel weird ,may be the talks, maybe I am afraid that my hidden girly traits will take over and I will turn into one of those typical girly girl.

To all guys whom I've confused and annoyed (to the point of utter frustration) with certain extreme girly behavior at times and of recent, I want to apologize. I would like them to try and understand that much as I sometimes it is hard to shake off all girly characteristics, and some of them do surface now and then.

So I told that some of my closest friends have been guys and most of my groupie's and now colleagues and I find it perfectly fine.Let's face it now , we girls can't live without guys. And I am not just talking broken tubelights that need to be fixed or bags which i had to dump in the shelf cabinet some 10 ft high, today morning... I'm talking about the absolute need to have different viewpoints, different talks,different ways of thinking, and different ways of reacting to situations. The Venusians need the Martians.
To all those who say that in ten years' time, women will no longer need men, here's my reply. Bull !!We need them as much as they need us and that's the whole truth.

Think about it ,we really give them a tough time, and yet they still manage to love us.
So all the Ladies, let's cut the men in our lives some slack :) .

I spy , Ice water ,Kites Vs NFS , AOE ....

Had a kid around in office today morning and yay i see him all amused and confused with his eyes searching for something in my aisle n here we go talking :)
Speaking to kids always always brings me a smile that tad bit wider. They know just how to perk up a downward bound day and turn it around.

And each time I talk to them, it brings back so many memories!

Memories of holidays spent together with my siblings. Of our organized midnight sessions,playing tictac-toe ,dot-dot where invariably we would be the only ones awake and thus the only ones to eat the chocolates stolen from the refrigerator ahem ! in the end .The big asoka tree with next to boundary wall for us to climb from… The countless cycle races… Our n number of club and competitions we'll arrange … The picnic three of my friends plotted about for ages, before finally settling down to eat the goodies right on our rooftop… Our mock housewarming where I promptly melted the tiny play cup while attempting to boil milk over a candle flame… Devising ways and means to run away from bed in the afternoon with mom holding hand tight ... Walking past the vegetable vendors and finding it ridiculously funny to mock them …… Our frantic trips to the library and get all comics to make sure we had ammunition for the night to come... The pact to go have ice-cream from Cool Corner every evening … And then, weeping bitterly on the last day of the holidays.....

Darn! Those were fun days. How much we used to play! I don’t remember stepping into the house until it was dark and/or we were too exhausted to lift a finger. And such fun games they were too. Cops and robbers, hide and seek, blind man’s buff, tag, lock and key, dodge ball, cricket, shuttle, flying fighter kites...Oh I m so missing kites today :( :(

But today I look at kids around. They still stay in the same amazing place. But they are so tuned out of all that beauty. Or is it, say, a lack of imagination? Is our Ashoka Tree just an old trunk for them? Our Fairy Forest a scratchy thicket perhaps? Our Memory Lane just a silly grass path?

They don’t read. They don’t play in the mud. They don’t run around the house like we used to, laughing like mentally retarded hyenas. They don’t jump from furniture to furniture pretending to be pirates escaping from crocodiles. They don’t organize plays, magic shows and poetry recitations (with the boundary wall of our rooftop as our stage) for the family and charge the adults for tickets to sit patiently through our valiant efforts (lol! )

Today all the kids turn their noses at all this. They like their TV’s. Not to mention computer games filled with machine guns and sports cars (somehow I like the pillow fights Kittu and I used to have much better that projected ones). Their wish list reads like a Japanese shopping list. They like Beyblades and what not . (What on earth is a Ni Hao, Kai-Lan by the way? I was too embarrassed to ask :D )

Sometimes I feel like I’m a kid and they’re the grown ups. Anyway, if they’re happy, then I suppose it doesn’t matter what they do. But every now and then, I can’t help wishing that they would run outside and actually PLAY! Get dirty… Get yelled at… Laugh uncontrollably… Just be CHILDREN and not the grave little adults they are today.

PS : this post contains excerpts i shared with quite a few friends since last few days with nostalgia striking in .....

Donno Y !

Why is it that when you’re most busy, and you know you need to finish that task by yesterday, you still have this urge to do something else, and you actually go ahead and do it ..... like blog !!!!

Conflicted Morning ....

I was in a conflict today morning ,yeah once again, I took a decision and still wanted to get it validated so I did seek an answer from a friend which I probably didn't wanna hear and felt like saying " get real dude "....I would like to call myself a thinker who believes in logical reasoning and rationality. But I am a bit ashamed to say I do not walk the talk when it comes to things that are special to me. One can content on the definition of special here because I decide it. This does look like a decent problem statement to me, conflicts of interests, moving frames of reference and what not?

Two solutions come to my mind
1. Treat special things normal and apply logic there
2. Leave logic alone and have the rest of the journey without believing in anything.

Is it time for me to walk the talk? - Time will decide .....

PS : Gotto sign off , can't resist myself from peeking in the cube next door from where i hear " oh this equation can't be solved ... quotient is ... maxima will be" ah ....can't let my love go :P

Another Twilight !!!!!

Hundreds of thoughts jostling your mind , many a decisions coming back to you making you rethink every move.... asking you to define every action of yours, acceptance that the things you thought would change but now you are all certain that they won't... letters which i am scared completing , an unending list of things to complete and still I write .....

The night is the harbinger of the now familiar incompleteness and loneliness.......

Where was she, Day thought? Out celebrating her time off or sleeping late. She never could tell, for whenever the woman walked in she was cloaked in a luster that nothing seemed able to weaken. When she brought along her longtime friend, Moon, her radiance seemed doubled. On most days, she was accompanied by a bevy of silly stars, forever smiling. Oh, how she loathed the sight of those senseless creatures beatific faces. And the Moon shamelessly agreed to share space with those little things.

Now, the Sun was a different matter. Always, full of himself, when he took the stage, there was no room for another. But his monologues were worth it. And anyone who attempted a performance while he was center stage would get their fingers burnt for their trouble, literally (she smiled). There was this one time…

But where was Night? It was late and whether she liked to admit it or not, she was craving some rest. That frivolous fool, Night… she must have found someone to talk with… now that kind of thing rarely happened to Day. Sure, the birds did stop early on for a song or two, but soon enough everyone seemed to get busy, no time to talk ,chat and probably no inclination either. That was the trouble with being the best. It was lonely at the top.

Now Night, she had a charm, even when she chose to travel alone. Dressed in her darkest blue, the one that rippled and seemed like black one instant and blue the next, she would flash a smile and everyone would suddenly let their inhibitions fall. Here was Night, they’d say, she’s a friend, there’s nothing to hide from her. Secrets would stampede to fall from mouths and skeletons would wage war to emerge from closets. She always seemed to have that effect.

And here was, bright, brilliant Day with light that none could beat, with the Sun in tow who would wish to lighten up everyone (and at times the bright light piercing the eyes would make his presence undesired) .... except on cloudy days when rain played spoilsport, and had he managed to make a single true friend?. Even Sun, pompous fool that he was, only used her, preening himself on the platform she laid out for him. And the only reason she had condescended to put up with him was because he wanted to be friends. What a delusion! Considering how she was, she should have known better and more importantly, she should have let the resentment subside. She was stronger than that; she had no need to mope, but it rankled that Night seemed popular and with such little effort.

Night wondered what all her admirers would say when they saw her signing off, drunk on the sheer ecstasy of being, pale after having tasted every conceivable pleasure, dreamy eyed… what could they say, except sigh in longing maybe? No signing off ...
Ah, there she was. And her friend, tagging along, dressed in a crescent and an inane smile and still managing to look attractive. The way she was describing it sounded like she was half in love with Moon . What a frightening thought!

Night’s boisterous greeting echoed. With a smile that seemed directed at no one in particular and that encompassed all, Day approached her ,she sulked and turned him back. Night embraced the morose Day. A minute later, she unwrapped her arms and shook her cloak into place once again. There was no sign of Day anywhere.

Another twilight was over!

What a date ....

Two shall b born,...d whole world wide apart..
n speak in different tongues,..n take no thought,
Each of the others being,n no heed...
n these over unknown seas,to unknown lands,
Shall cross..escaping wreck,defying death,..
n all unconsciously shape every act,
n bend each wandering step,...unto this end,
That one day out of darkness,...they shall meet,
n read life's meaning...in each others eyes...

Mischevious elegant , graceful gal with bright shining eyes; intelligent enough to understand "witticisms"; sane enough to complement his insanity ..

Impeccable is the one word which aptly describes him, every word he says or every thing he does seems to have a meaning ...an extremely brilliant, knowledgeable, supportive, open, very sincere, affable and great to work with witty guy beyond trust and true to heart who would sweep her off her feet, make her laugh and help her forget the reason to her sadness ,help her see the silver lining and the hope and the happiness ...who makes fun of the winning teams to make her feel better, and of course his jokes are so funny that she forgets she ever lost ....sarcastic set of arguements turning her on, which she loves to fall engaging her in deep thinking to hit him :P always valuing her the most making her feel " very rare very her " :)

they both had to meet , meeting was fate, becoming friends was a choice n realization that the best thing about him was her ...


Thought he if they could swim all d day long,then sit back with her for the sunset watching it from the glass dome of the lighthouse....the feeling of being the only one for der love out there in world taking love to ectastic levels but alas !
couldn't implement :P

So did he decided to take her to a rustic hideway place where bful ppl come to celebrate there life's simple journey :)


Scene 1: A spectacular star-studded sky, restrau on the rooftop, nature-like ambience, a corner (shaded with d grace of a palm tree) chosen for the table, moonlight showering through the leaves, candlelight, a sparkling fountain nearby...
the lemony scent seeming to envelope and instantly comfort... magic realism ...


Scene 2: The guy enters with the girl, who obviously gets smitten by the ambience. He pulls out a chair and bows down. "Madame, have a seat", he says. She feels obliged and replies back, "Thank You, Sir!". They sat comfortably in the pleasantly muted, placid environment whispering sweet nothings to each other. No one disturbed them.


Scene 3: Long talks continue intertwined with fondling, teasing and stuffs like that. She can be seen enjoying her food, giggling every now & then, kudos to his sense of humor.

Scene 4: Food is over, he is playing her favorite song on guitar. She looks on overawed.

Scene 5: Soft music plays. She thinks and decides, "Let's dance". He sucks at it but anyway just tries to follow her. In the beginning, it is hopeless but gradually, he improves. They seem to have lost in each other.

Scene 6: Says he "I give you my hand, I give you my love more precious than money, I give you myself before preaching or law; Will you give me yourself?"

Thinks she

"When our two souls stand up erect and strong,
Face to face, silent, drawing nigh and nigher,
Until the lengthening wings break into fire
At either curvëd point, -- what bitter wrong
Can the earth do to us, that we should not long"


So with this ends d DREAM date . nice hmmm


PS : everythin is fictional and artwork of a bored mind :P

The story begins : Part1

Disclaimer :This is a work of fiction and the feelings echoed by the protagonists belong to them alone and should not be attributed to the author :D Any similarity to any person living or virtual is merely coincidental.The author does not take any responsibility or liability if anything that is stated within turns out to be true It is essentially as it came from the keyboard: spontaneous, unproofed, unrevised, and corrected afterward only when necessary to address mistakes that grossly effect the intent. All copyrights held by the author i.e me i.e Neha)

Chapter 1 - Memories , a heavy baggage


She ,( girl A) had a long shower. It was a lazy Sunday after all. Coming out of the bathroom, she caught a glimpse of herself in the huge, full length mirror on the dressing table door. She had always liked that mirror, suddenly she realized it told her more than she needed to know.She realised how much she has changed from the time she literally used to be observant about minutest of details and taking a note of them, no matter how trivial or miniscule to a more obtuse headed and myopic. Yes she reckoned that the priorities of life has changed and now she has to face a more real world which isn't that rosy as it appears. As for now, when she gave a thought combing down her dripping wet hair she saw herself more closely ...a picture which is a bit more detailed or world which is a bit more shrunk. She started delving deeper .
Spewing out words, with no target
chewing her thoughts, having no regret
Wondering whether she had earlier lived
or she and her life, they just met?
The work has increased so much that she no longer even attempt to recollect what all she was supposed to have completed. Long time that she read a book either. Long time she did anything useful either came back to her thoughts and she was just left staring ....


He (guy X) on the other side could hear the wind howling, though it was just a breeze. He feared that his key strokes were making such a racuous noise that they would wake up his room-mate. He was engrossed in an online chat. When he was alone, he craved for company. When he was among people, he desired to be left alone. Change was what he always seemed to need, yet he dreaded it. So, maybe the best recourse for him would be to talk with people yet not be with them. Switch on and off capriciously. The way of the online chat. That was precisely what he was doing now. He had felt that there was no sense in booting the computer at this time ,sunday morning, but he found around 3 of his closests friends online! He hadnt talked with two among them for quite some time. There was a 4th too with whom he was chatting, but that was only customary. He was lonely yet amidst conversations. He felt glad and content.Chatting made him realized how disconcerting silence could be and he was again lost with the morning breeze...

Lost in the thoughts began the retrospection and thus we discover the beginning .


To be contd .....

O re manva tu toh bavra hai !

Watched wake up Sid .... an unconventional hindi movie after long .The story is basically a single liner but then the direction by Ayan Mukherji gives it totally a captivating effect and its each frame keeps you going with the movie and you really enjoy every bit of it .I bet its one of those bollywood movies that’ll make u feel like paying for the ticket was worth it .
What makes “Wake Up Sid” different is the simplicity it carries and subtle demeanor of all the characters with no overdo or understatement of drama and over emotional dose. It has a constant flow throughout with casual conversations .There's a little bit of you and me and everyone we know in Ranbir the spoilt rich-kid protagonist , the lil fun loving kid unaware of all the tiffs and trudges or on the other side we have earnest, ambitious, confident Konkana with a hint of undeniable innocence full of dreams to fly high , pursue a successful career and lead an independent life just the way you would like it and with every move that she makes I was flowing through coz of the spree of the events taking place in my life and the way of dealing with them all making choices every moment ...
The selection of the cast makes the movie all the more refreshing , Ranbir Kapoor spell binding you with his eyes, his voice, his oddly-pitched laugh and the tiniest of tics to make a flesh-and-blood character out of Sid, complemented to a large extent by Konkona Sen Sharma the beautiful sensuous girl investing sincerity to the character Aisha . Supriya Pathak brings depth to the part of Sid' lovin ma, and even Kashmira Shah is appropriately contained in a bit-part as Aisha's hot neighbor :P.

The journey of transformation of Sid from the careless immature teenager to mature responsible individual is all waking up is all about with Aisha giving new definition to his life , aiding him with the transformation and predictavely kicking off his journey towards the self discovery .The two different personalities becoming friends ,not realizing the strangeness of their unlikely platonic relationship ,ultimately no prize for guessing the eventual realization of falling in love and ending of the sequence with a heart warming scene ...sigh :P The best about the movie is that derz no overnight transition and in the end Sid can fry eggs , do dishes , lands up with a job but yeah there was no catharsis or did i miss it
While the film actually becomes really engrossing in the second half, the first half facilitates an adequate groundwork for the story to progress. There are bitter sweet moments in the first half as well but one still wishes for that extra something which comes with the second part .
All in all ,infusing a shopworn premise with honesty, and peppering the film with tender moments, director Ayan Mukherji creates an engaging enough drama that you're happy to emotionally invest in.....few bful scenes going i remember ....almost immediately after he snaps at his mother for trying to tidy up his room, Sid apologizes and offers her a T-shirt to fold .....on learning that it's Aisha's birthday, he prepares an impromptu cake of bread slices and jam ... Aisha getting all jealous and irritated trying to figure out all possible reasons to go mad on dumb Sid :P

The perfect choice of songs with no dancing numbers come as a much welcome change Songs are blended beautifully with the movie and the song iktara jus stands out , love it man !!!! ... jo barse boond boond nainon ko moond moond

In the end i would just say .... a realistic take on urban youth with course a few hiccups :)

and We're back !!

It totally does feel like a million years since I have written here .So here I am back again , especially to all those who have written and not complained, per se, but asked me to write again.
I hopped out of bed.
So full of energy.
Everything was great.
There were so many possibilities.
I love days like those.

The next day is different.
I hesitate and wonder.
Not trusting my feelings from the day before.
I have to shake my head
I have to think
I really wonder if it happened
Or is it just a bad dream
It's a new day, things are just beginning
Why this ending?
As I write, I pause and think
This couldn't have happened
Did it really?
It did and my life has changed

One of those evening.... Letting my mind wander and imagining if time moved in different loop. Yesterday, today, and tomorrow. What if they move in different order or overlap. What is the sound of tomorrow without wishing the yesterday go away or letting go the present.....

I just have to get up and move away from my computer but I am determined to get one post out atleast....

Hi

There's no dearth of mails/ims that one gets with the subject "hi". It gets even more painful when that's all the content that there is. And I'm left at my wits' ends trying to figure out how to respond to such mails. Though I'm kinda social, I respond so that I don't sound rude. But the point is what?

My interpretation of "hi.. wassup?" is: "I don't know what to write. But still I want to write. So, here's my mark". Now, I don't know how I could respond to such a mail/im. Some options I ponder over are:

1. "Listen dude/dudette, I understand that you have had nothing to do and want to see some movement on your gtalk window. But I'm not nearly the correct person. Try someone else and you might actually strike a conversation out of thin air."

2. Coming to orkut ."Do you know that you can self-scrap on orkut? (Yes, really, I've tried it.) Why don't you self-scrap?"

3. "See, I hardly even remember who you are. Accepted that we might have spent a wonderful evening one day but come'on."

4. Respond back with a "hi" or "hello" or a similar monotonic salutation (essentially throwing the ball back into his/her court)

5. Give a pointer to my blog

6. The hiiii's from the old good friends .....

7. The unexpected Hi's ending up in the wittiest and the most sarcastic coversations .

Acts 1, 2 and 3 are overly rude. Act 4 doesn't have a purpose, other than symbiotically incrementing the mail count. Act 5 requires that I update my blog regularly, a condition almost never met.Act 6,7 oh yeah they too happen often :)!